National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month - October

We recently did a post here on Curly Hairdo Ideas about October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Did you know it is also National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month?

Hard topics for October, I guess.

There's not much hope in Pregnancy and Infant Loss.  a Life has been taken from this world. and those of us left can only cry out that it was "too soon!"

and who would blame us?!


Pregnancy and Infant Loss is a delicate subject and I dare say, not many people know how to go about bridging the gap in communication. I know I sure don't! I have friends who have lost pregnancies. I have friends whose children have died.

What do you say?

How can you say anything?! How can you NOT?!

Sometimes I'm not sure which is better.  To say something that might be misinterpreted, or not say anything at all - which might give it's own impression. I think, though, that it's always worth the risk to just go ahead and try to share your emotions and compassion.

Words are never enough, but sometimes they're all we have. They are the link that lets us know that we're not alone in pain and sorrow. It's nice to know that someone cares. and probably most importantly, is here to listen.


In honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month I want to share a few things I've learned lately.  I'm also quite eager to share all I've learned about what we can each do to be a part of spreading this awareness!

First, it was in 1988 that President, Ronald Regan, proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is also now known as the Remembrance Day. (which is why this post is being shared today. In honor and remembrance of all the Angels who didn't stay here on earth with us)

On October 15th - Light a candle at 7pm in YOUR time zone. Keep it lit for an hour and together we will create a Wave of Light in remembrance of all these sweet innocent lives we didn't get the chance to know more before they moved on from this world. is an advocacy organization helping to bring focus to generating public understanding, compassion for bereaved families and support for medical research. See their whole statement at their website.  Also be sure to check out all you can be a part of at their Awareness Month page.  First Candle also has a page for grieving families, as well as articles and a grief counselor. Never hesitate to call.

For some history and well, the wiki version - check out wikipedia's article on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day.

If you have lost a child, or know someone who has, A Treasure in Heaven is a website dedicated to supporting those who are hurting. Check out their page Support after the Hurt for books, journals, and a link to a forum that might be helpful. For places to honor your child and see their name forever etched, visit their Memorial page.

For angel baby gifts and memory items, Visit Remembering Our Babies online store.


What can we DO??

the following ideas are taken from Love to Know

If you or someone you know lost a baby, either during pregnancy or soon thereafter, there are many things you can do to honor them during National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month:
  • Hold a candlelight vigil
  • Have a balloon, butterfly or ladybug release
  • Sponsor a walk or run in memory of that baby
  • Create bereavement packages for local Neonatal Intensive Care Units
  • Place flowers on the graves of babies at the cemetery
  • Start a support group
  • Knit, crochet or sew infant blankets, dresses and hats for NICUs that can be given to families whose babies have passed away there
  • Participate in A Walk to Remember
  • Hold a fund-raiser (bake sale, garage sale, etc) to raise funds for prevention of infant deaths
  • Create a scrapbook, memorial website or memory box in honor of the babies you know who have died


To honor a few Angel Babies close to my heart:

Love to the cousin my kids will never play with on earth, Love to a surro-baby whose parents will never get to hold him, love to multiple loses of new friends I've met through my doula work, and much love to the angels I can't name.

and a couple stories... One of them you can find at my friend's (fabulous) hair blog - Chocolate Hair/Vanilla Care - Pedicures and Letting Go.

and this is for Anias, a little boy I loved but never met, the son of a friend of mine:

The story of Anias

by Anna on Sunday, May 8, 2011 at 12:03am.

It all started when I called my midwife thinking I was in labor, she said she'd be here soon, but things stalled out, so when she got here we hung out at a mutual friends house for a little while, and decided to do a check up when we got home. From 11pm to 2am we tried to find a heartbeat and couldn't. At 2 we went into the hospital to get a confirming ultrasound, and had kind of a bad time getting any help, our nurse was awful, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise, and we ended up walking out at 4am without any more info than when we came.

The next morning we woke up early to run in and get squeezed in for an ultrasound, they fit us in for 2pm, the Dr there was so amazingly thorough and sweet and honest, he walked us through everything and said the baby was perfect, and it's just one of those things, it just happens sometimes, there was no reason, and nothing that would have predicted it.

We asked him for advice on what to do, he said we could do a c-section, an induction, or we could just go home and wait to have the baby like we had planned, so that's what we decided to do.

During this time of waiting, God did so many amazing things! He sent so many friends who have gone through the same or similar situations that could give us first hand advice! He prepared our hearts and we drew near to Him. He showed us and our midwife that with out a doubt, we were to have this baby at home; He took such great care of us and gave us everything we needed even before we knew to ask!! What a great God we serve!!!

One of the verses that really made a difference at this time was 2 Timothy 1:7 "God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of love, a spirit of power, and of sound mind"

We had such a peace about having Anias at home as we had planned, so we were just waiting to see if our midwife would be comfortable handling a home-stillbirth. She had talked to some people who gave her a little fear about helping us have Anias, so she decided to pray and fast for the day, and we told her we were seeking God and asking for his will to be revealed too. The next day we called back later that evening. She said that she could do the birth, but only under one condition, we had to give her some of the verses we had found, that confirmed for us that we were supposed to have Anias at home. I kind of panicked a little, trying to remember everything we had been thinking on and talking about, but my husband grabbed an index card from the wall, I had written 3 weeks prior with a few verses on it. He read off 2 Tim 1:7 "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, a spirit of love and of sound mind" then he started to read another and our midwife stopped him and said that was enough! She told us she asked God for confirmation, that we would answer her with a verse from 2 Timothy!! What an awesome God!! We were so happy to get a "for sure" go-ahead from God!

Pretty much everyday, if not multiple time each day, God was answering us in so many ways, our prayers our questions, our need for direction and guidance! We are still amazed at how He cares for us! Even now His hand is seen almost everyday is some way, He is constantly guiding and caring for us!!! We wouldn't trade ANYTHING to be where He has put us now; He truly knows what is best and has a perfect plan for everything!!! It's so great to be completely in His will!!!

Labor started on the night of April 14th, my water had broken around 3pm that evening right after I woke up from a nap with our 2 year old daughter, I called my hubby and told him to come home, and decided to call our midwife and let her know what was going on. I didn’t have much of any contractions until around 10pm or 11pm I had told our midwife earlier to take her time, and I think I called back later to let her know things were picking up. Around 11 we decided to go to bed and left a note on the door to let our midwife know how often my contractions were coming, and that we would wake her when things got stronger. I got up around 2:30 because things were so strong and now coming often enough, that I couldn’t get much sleep. My husband woke our midwife up around 3 and we called or texted my labor support people, one of which came right away and the other who has small children I told to sleep a little more.

I labored on the couch for another couple hours. A little before 6am I texted my other labor support and she said she was on her way. My midwife checked me to make sure I was ready to get in the pool; she said yes I was ready, so I hopped into the birthing pool. I remember being ready to go once I hit the water. His head was born fairly quickly and easily, but the shoulders got stuck, so I had to get out of the pool, we worked on the shoulders for so long! We all started crying out to God to deliver this baby, he was so stuck! After a good 15 minutes or so his shoulders were free and he was born at 7:15am. I could not believe what manly shoulders he had! He was so big! 9lbs and 14oz and 21 inches long! We just sat there for a minute in awe! I don’t understand how we had him, he was just so big! Truly God did deliver him! We picked the name Anias, because it means God answers. God answered our prayers so many times and the prayers of so many who know us, we were, and are, so lifted in prayer, and God is even still answering us! He is so awesome!

This birth with our midwife was such a healing one, she is such an amazing care provider, I'm taken care of physically, spiritually, emotionally, and medically. I'm so glad that she was here to help us recover and was so pleased she was able to come with us to the hospital and ultrasound and to share our pain.

The next afternoon was the burial, we had picked a beautiful little country cemetery out by family land, and had a small service for our home-church family and close relatives. Our home church leader, pastor, and close friend, was the speaker, and one of the guys from church, who has an amazing voice sang, I’ll Fly Away, and It Is Well With My Soul. It was a beautiful sunny day, the pastor spoke on the twenty third Psalm, and afterwards everyone had lunch together just a few miles away. It was such a blessed time to be able to talk with family and close friends.

Thank you to everyone for all your prayers and support. We have been so blessed by everyone's generosity! We are so thankful that God is in control and that we can trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths~ Proverbs 3:5 & 6


What will YOU do to Remember today? Whose life can you enrich just by asking for the story of their unborn child? Just listen and love, it means more than you'll ever know.  and don't forget about the Wave of Light!! 

Pass it on!!!


BraidwithMe said...

What a beautiful post! Thank you for this

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